I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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