hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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