Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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