No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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