Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
