She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
