i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
