i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
