I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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