there's paper in my vomit.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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