i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
