Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
