I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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