You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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