i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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