I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
