Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ttyl tear gas
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
