perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
