What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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