i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
