The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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