My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
