i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Holy shit dude........stairs
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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