scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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