Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
