Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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