There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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