her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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