I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
