I wannas sexs uuuuu
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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