therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
