Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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