My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize