my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
