she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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