people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
