He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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