the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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