i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize