I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
