she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
