talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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