new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
