using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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