Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
