I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize