When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
