Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
