It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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