Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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