Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
