I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
