How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
