We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
