I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
