xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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