I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
