Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
