OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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