it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
