So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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