I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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