you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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