I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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