i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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