I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...