my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.