The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!