how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption