I am spending my child support on dildos
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.