i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just blew my weed a kiss
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.