Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
